


Cain’s Final Confession

by Attalander



Series: Cain’s Private Archives [1]
Category: Ciaphas Cain (Novels), Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Requited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25880482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attalander/pseuds/Attalander
Summary: Ciaphas Cain, at least by his own admission, was a coward. There were many things he was too scared to do, too scared to say... but on his death-bed, he did manage to write them down... including a letter to the love of his life.
Relationships: Ciaphas Cain/Amberley Vail
Series: Cain’s Private Archives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878031
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Cain’s Final Confession

**Author's Note:**

> There is an ASTONISHING lack of Cain/Amberley on AO3. I aim to help fix that. Also, I did my best to imitate Cain’s signature style. Hope it comes through!
> 
> Warning: I cried like a baby while writing this. Also, Ciaphas has the self-esteem of a depressed lemming, so be prepared for that.

When Inquisitor Amberley Vail stated that the Cain Archive consisted only of single data-slate with one long, rambling series of memoirs, that wasn’t strictly true. While it did make up the bulk of the contents, there was a single file, heavily encrypted, titled simply “A.V.”.

She could’ve taken it to the Mechanicus for decryption, but something told her that it wouldn’t be prudent. Instead, she entered a few possible passwords based on the assumed contents, and it only took three to get it right. “Hegantha”, her favorite flower.

The file was filled with more rambling (and very private) stories, but the first part was different, a letter... and one that took Amberley’s breath away.

——

Dearest Amberley (and if you’re not her, sod off, this doesn’t concern you),

I know I’m dying. The medicae say I have less than a week, and if you’ve read anything else here you know that the inevitability of death often leads me to take risks I wouldn’t otherwise dare to... still, I’m not brave enough to say this to your face, to even write it in a letter. Who knows if you’ll even find this slate among my effects, or whether it will be shoved into the back of a cupboard somewhere never to be read... but that uncertainty allows me the courage to write these words.

I’m a liar, a coward, a terrible person who never deserved you... but you stayed with me. 80 years is a long time to spend with someone, even with such sporadic encounters as we had. And I want you to know I enjoyed every moment... even the ones that involved Genestealers attempting to rip my throat out, which says a lot.

These encrypted memories are dear to me, and I hope you felt the same way. Nobody else should see them, read them... but I couldn’t help writing them down, reliving them one last time. Maybe I should delete them entirely, but I don’t want to. I want to keep them close to me as long as I draw breath.

And I want you to know something. I never told you because, as I’ve said, I’m a coward. I’ve got a black, shriveled up heart, one I never thought was capable of any deep feeling save paranoia and self-interest... but impending death brings clarity, and so here are the words I’ve never said to anyone in my whole life.

I love you.

I’ve loved you since that first time we met on Gravalax, when I heard you singing in that damnable ballroom before everything went to the Warp. I’ve never believed in love at first sight, something I attest to in these very memoirs, but you are the exception. You have always been the exception.

I don’t know if you feel the same way. You probably don’t, if I’m honest with myself. Nobody else could ever read me the way you can, understand me as much as I _can_ be understood... you’ve seen parts of me that made me wonder why you ever bothered to even speak to me again, let alone make love to me.

And it _was_ making love, at least in my mind. Wherever we were, no matter the circumstances, I treasured every moment. Forgive a sentimental old man if I allow myself the fantasy that you felt the same. If the Emperor doesn’t kick me out of the afterlife for various good reasons, I’ll be waiting by the Golden Throne for you. I hope it takes a long time, because you deserve a long life.

Truly Yours,  
Ciaphas Cain

——

Amberley’s hands shook as she re-read the words over and over, until her eyes were too wet and hazy to make them out. A tear fell on the slate, then another and another. She pressed it to her chest, hugging the piece of cold metal as though it was the man she’d never see again.

“Ciaphas...” she said. “Oh _Ciaphas_...”

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve wanted to write this story since I first started reading the Cain books a few years ago, and here it is. It’s always been obvious both the two shared a deep romantic bond, and equally obvious that Cain had far too many issues to ever bring it up. Perhaps you could even call this a fix-fic, even if it’s too little too late.
> 
> I have some other ideas in the works, but they’re mostly just smut.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are highly appreciated.


End file.
